Sadly, according to law enforcement statistics,
- 1 and 5 girls and one in 20 boys will be a victim of child abuse;
- Children are the most vulnerable to sexual assault between the ages of 7 and 13
- According to a 2003 National Institute of Justice report, three out of four adolescents who have been sexually assaulted were victimized by someone they knew well.
These are frightening statistics, but there are things you can do to help protect your child from sexual abuse. It is important to begin these conversations when children are young and reinforce prevention messages often.
Here are 5 prevention messages to use with your child. (Used with permission from the Massachusetts Medical Society):
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1) “All parts of our bodies are good and we can speak about them respectfully.” (Use the correct name for body parts: penis, vagina, breast…) If adults are embarrassed to use those names, children often follow their parents lead and also become too embarrassed to tell if someone is being sexually inappropriate or abusing them.
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2) “Grown ups and older children have no business playing with your private body parts. Sometimes grown-ups need to help young children with washing or wiping these private parts, but that is not the same as playing with them. Sometimes doctors need to examine you, but a nurse or parents should always be present and it is never a secret.”
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3) “Grown-ups and older children never, ever need help from children with their private parts. If someone asks you for this kind of help, tell me right away, even if it is someone in our family or someone we know. If anyone shows you their private parts, pictures of private parts, or asks to take pictures of your private parts, please, tell me. I promise I will listen and not be angry. If you ever feel confused about secrets, feelings, or private body parts tell me and I promise to help you.”
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4) “Surprises are good for children but secrets are not. Surprises are secrets meant to be told, like a surprise party or a present. But secrets can be dangerous because they don’t let me know if you are safe. If a friend is playing with matches, if someone offers you drugs, or someone asks you to help them with their private body parts, I won’t be able to keep you safe unless you tell me about it.”
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5) “Never touch other children’s private body parts. It will be upsetting to them, their parents, and their teachers. If you are curious about body parts, tell me and we can talk about it.”
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More Tips For Keeping Your Child Safe
When my daughter was young and I picked her up from a play date at someone else’s house I would ask her several questions, all in the same calm and curious tone:
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Did you have fun?
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What did you do?
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Who else was there?
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Did the other kids treat you with respect? Did the adults?
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Did anything happen that made you uncomfortable?
Some other tips that I recommend to parents are:
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If your child comes to you with a report of abuse it is very important never to blame, shame, punish or get angry with them.
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Tell them that you are glad they told you.
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Believe them and make sure they know that you believe them.
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Tell them it was not their fault.
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Tell them that you are going to help the other person to understand that what the other person did was not ok.
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Report the abuse to The Department of Children and Families at 617-748-2444 or visit www.mass.gov/dcf to locate the nearest office. After hours, call the Child-At-Risk hotline at 1-800-792-5200.
